kestrana: (Default)

After discovering several Trojans now on my computer and removing a whole crapload of bad programs and corrupted files, my computer would not let me get out of Safe mode and back into regular Windows. Recovery efforts seemed to indicate that one or more system files, specifically ones associated with logon had been corrupted and removed by the programs cleaning my computer. These viruses had not only corrupted my c: drive but also the d: recovery drive as we discovered later when we attempted to delete system32 files and restore from the recovery drive and then the recovery cd.

The only solution available at that point was to delete the partitions on both drives and reinstall windows.

So now I am in the process of reinstalling the key programs I need and nothing more.

This does mean I have lost all my Word documents, all my website templates, all my photos and music, my game mods and screenshots, videos, downloads, saved conversations and anything that hadn't been burned to a cd or uploaded to a website.

I've kind of been through this before when my laptop died and had to be reformatted and then my external hard drive died and I lost everything associated with Pyramid Lake in its original form - all my notes and the digital copies of my thesis. I do have all the pictures on a cd. I just recently had copied them onto my computer - the irony.

But, even though except for the music, I don't use that stuff on a regular even yearly basis, I am very sad. I know one thing that I will miss greatly is my D&D material. All my dungeons, maps, character pages, everything that isn't on dreaminblue, is gone.

Losing all my music again is very upsetting too. Hopefully since I bought quite a lot from Itunes I will be able to recover some of that music and I do have almost everything I've bought in the last 6 months backed up on a cd.

R.I.P. Babylon 6, June 2005- September 2007.
kestrana: (Default)
Personal effects: Stored in locked garage on apartment site.

Apartment: Currently being cleaned, estimated move-in date moved up to June 8th.

UHaul Trailer: Dumped.

Car: Back Driver side taillight burned out on trip; also needs oil change. Estimated completion: today, 5 p.m.

Cat: Doin' fine.

So You Think You Can Dance: Watched, enjoyed.

Weather: Nothing but sun so far, rain expected this weekend.

Once I get my lease signed I can change my driver's license, plates, insurance and USPS address. I was hoping to do all of that before I start work on Monday but the best - laid plans yadda yadda.
kestrana: (Spock)
I got the job in Seattle. I don't know whether or not I'll be moving in March or June yet, or which store I'll be in.

Remove the stone of shame. Affix the stone of triumph.
kestrana: (Default)
So late last night the doorbell rings and I get up and answer the door. Lo and behold someone left a kitten in a new litterbox on my doorstep. The poor thing! Now I was going to get a new cat when I could afford it but these people apparently knew us well enough to know we can't just kick it out. *sigh* I'm pretty angry at whomever did this but its a cute little girl cat and so its taking up residence in my room and I'm leaning towards calling it Fabulously Feral Faux.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

I didnt sleep well last night because it was on the bed with me and wanted to play, nap, play, nap, chew, nap, chew, play, nap.
kestrana: (Default)
I got home late Saturday after two baby-filled planes. The joy of children! Yesterday mom and I went and ran errands and then I went to dinner with Phil, Steve, Niles, Missy and Emlyn. It is almost indescribable the feeling to be home again. Many things have changed here - houses are being redone, street construction, people got or are getting married but there is something about the air and the light that reminds me that I'm a child of the Midwest and I am out of my element anywhere else.

Took Mom to the hospital this morning at 5 and I'm just now getting back. The surgury went well but she is rather out of it and staying overnight. I'm having dinner at Phil's in a few hours, then I don't know what. I'll probably go back to the hospital and then just home and sleep until I have to pick her up tomorrow. Then I get to play nurse.
kestrana: (Default)
After talking with my parents, I'm going home. I need to go back into counseling which I can't get here. I don't care about this degree and I have literally 2 friends here. Despite being close to finishing, some things aren't worth the personal sacrifices you would have to make. I'm going to get an English degree and be much happier than I am now.


Apr. 20th, 2006 09:41 pm
kestrana: (angry)
One thing after another. That's all my life has become. God, I'm trying to be strong and have faith. God I'm trying to go on and not give up. When do I actually get something out of this life besides World of Warcraft and the joy of listening to music?

Why, in everything that I do now, am I so alone?

I know you're there God but when do I get to remember that you love me that is not a crisis?

And the question without an answer. What did I ever do to deserve this?
Nothing and everything.

I'm trying to think about these lyrics and take comfort in them.

At times life is wicked and
I just can’t see the light
A silver lining sometimes isn’t enough
To make some wrongs seem right
Whatever life brings
I’ve been through everything
And now I’m on my knees again

But I know I must go on
Although I hurt I must be strong
Because inside I know that many
feel this way

Children, don’t stop dancing
Believe you can fly

At times life’s unfair and you know
it’s plain to see
Hey God I know I’m just a dot in
this world
Have you forgot about me?
Whatever life brings
I’ve been through everything
And now I’m on my knees again

But I know I must go on
Although I hurt I must be strong
Because inside I know that many
feel this way

Am I hiding in the shadows?
Forget the pain and forget the sorrows

But I know I must go on
Although I hurt I must be strong
Because inside I know that many
feel this way

Children don’t stop dancing
Believe you can fly

Am I hiding in the shadows?
Are we hiding in the shadows?


Mar. 31st, 2006 06:50 pm
kestrana: (Default)
Well for anyone who doesn't know, I'm staying in Reno to finish my degree. I am staying in Reno and trying to keep working on my relationship with Stathi, which I thought was dead but apparently those rumors were exaggerated.

I was rereading a lot of my poetry over the weekend and acknowledging how meaningful and true and almost premoniscient (is that a word? It is now!) so much of it still is. In one way it comforted me to remember that I have felt alone before, and that I have drawn strength from my solitude as well as despair. In another way its disturbing that some things haven't seemingly made any progress towards the way I'd like them to be. But life, as I have learned, becomes more ethereal and grey the longer you spend in it. Blacks and whites are only for the young and oh how I do miss it sometimes. But then I would never know the joy of coming home to my own place or the beauty of his profile in candlelight.

But I might be spared the anger that wells within me now. My mom isn't thrilled by my decision although she lets me make it because its my own life. She tells me that all my friends at home were buzzing with excitement at the thought of me home again, for good. Now, it is my mom so perhaps its exaggerated from her pride in me. I certainly don't really feel like the majority of my friends care right now. The last few things I've asked of people have not come to pass or gone unanswered. I wish, if people didn't know what to say, they would at least say that.

In some things I am demanding and exacting. Maybe I am becoming more so about friends. I made the trip home already. I feel like I do all the calling, the emailing, some writing. I'm not content to languish like that anymore. I feel alone here and if people care well its about time they damn well started showing it somehow. I've always felt its written on my face how I feel in most situations. Talking of emotions doesn't frighten me. Its not easy to wear your heart on your sleeve for it opens you up to innumerable opportunities for pain -- but I'm asking for only a simple acknowledgement of something we should both already know. How painful is that in the grand scheme of things?

Its true

Oct. 11th, 2005 08:00 pm
kestrana: (Default)
I'm depressed. As in i have depression. As in I need help.


Jun. 17th, 2005 10:13 pm
kestrana: (Default)
I am now a college graduate.

I have a Bachelor of Arts cum laude.

I dont quite know what comes next.
kestrana: (Default)
Yeah, as others will expectedly do this:

If I am in an accident or something and the doctors say that there is less than a 50/50 chance of me coming back at least 75% of the way I used to be, pull the plug. I could deal with being a parapalegic, but not a quadraplegic. I don't want to be deaf, but blind I could handle. The most important thing is cognition. I need my mind and my personality intact. If that's not going to happen, I don't want to come back.
kestrana: (Default)
I have been accepted to the University of Nevada-Reno for Graduate School in Anthropology. I have also been awarded a full-time TA position and full tuition grant. And health insurance.

Emailed them back to tell them I would accept.


Mar. 14th, 2005 04:20 pm
kestrana: (free angel)
Grandma died on Saturday night. Right now the funeral is scheduled for Thursday.

My car is still dead.

I'm probably about to get a lecture from my mom.

And lots of depressing shit happened this weekend.


kestrana: (Default)

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